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Week One - And so it begins...
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Day 1: Today I found out girls don’t have cooties, they have AIDs. I do not know what AIDs are but they sound bad, im gonna ask mommy. Mommy asked me where I heard that from. I thought everything I heard on Sesame Street was A-ok. (note to self; never repeat what big bird says, mommy says he is actually a tall man in a suit, never trust someone in a suit)
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Day 2: Jimmy is my bestest friend. Yesterday we went for a walk through scary Crimcahikt street. There was an old man, he offered me candy. Jimmy kicked him and told me to run. Wow Jimmy is so cool, he doesn’t take anything from mean adults. I wonder where Jimmy is, I want to play today. Jimmys mommie said he hasn’t come back since yesterday. I wonder where Jimmy is. Jimmy’s mom seemed real worried. They keep asking me if anything happened yesterday. I just said that I know nothing, Jimmy kicked an adult! I don’t want to get him in trouble…
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Day 3: Today we got to finger-paint in class. I made a picture of a dragon killing an entire village. Mrs. Cowhorn said that she was worried about the level of violence in my pictures. She made me go to the school consoler. We played a lot of checkers. I beat her every time, I decided not to listen to her. Any full grown lady who can’t beat a five year old at checkers couldn’t be the smartest cookie…I like cookies…
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Day 4: Daddie let me watch Terminator with him when mommy was on her business trip. The movie was boring at first, till I discovered that the strange man was a robot! I love robots!!! When I grow up I want to be like the Terminator, if I don’t have to get oiled up like the tinman from the wizard of oz. That would be strange I think. I told my daddy my thoughts…I think I’m going to have to see that stupid cookie again.
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Day 5: I made a new friend since Jimmy has been declared “molested and left for dead” what does that mean? Well anyways my new friend his name is Ted and he and I play all day outside and we play tug-a-war. My daddy keeps giving me strange looks, It’s prolly cause Ted dresses funny. When I asked him about it, he said who is Ted? I laughed my daddy must be stupid if he didn’t know who Ted was, I just played tug-a-war with him! I saw Daddy reading a book about imaginary friends; normal growing up or not? Good thing Ted isn’t imaginary or I would have looked really silly playing tug-a-war!
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Day 6: Today we started to learn how to read in class. I now know my ABCs!!! A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y and Z. I like Z the most it tickles my tongue. Granted I’m not sure how I learned how to write before I knew my ABCs. My teacher seems to be confused too…
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Day 7: Mommie came back from her business trip. I showed her my terminator impersonation. Mommy and Daddy haven’t been talking much. I think he is in the dog house. Well that’s what mom said. I wish I was daddy, I would love to live in a dog house! But I’m worried, we don’t have a dog. I hope my daddy wont have to sleep in someone else’s doghouse.
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