How to Become a Millionaire in a Couple Days
In these few paragraphs, I am pleased to offer several pieces of advice
on how to become a millionaire in a matter of only a few days. However,
I must warn you that these pieces of advice may be somewhat immoral,
insane, and/or profoundly stupid. However, I only advise the actual
use of these easy steps if you are, one: incredibly desperate, two:
incredibly bored, or three: incredibly pathetic. So if you must know
these steps to being a successful millionaire, then sit back, relax,
and enjoy the show.
Step one: borrowing money
One essential basic of becoming a millionaire
is learning to become good at what is called “borrowing without
need.” Even the small things that have to do with this one have
a major impact on becoming the millionaire you want to be. Just a simple
“Hey Bob, can I borrow a couple bucks for gas?” or a “Hey
man, I really want to see the Lakers game front and center, could you
loan me a couple hundred?” Then, when you have the money, don’t
spend it on what you say you will. Just keep it for the sake of keeping
money. Once this is done, never return the money, or else it was never
worth the trouble to get it in the first place. Little things like this
will have a profound impact on your way to becoming a millionaire.
Step two: Becoming the hitman inside
A cheap way to becoming a millionaire is looking
at different jobs in the work force. Hey, the black market sounds good
too! Becoming a hitman, or an illegal weapons dealer can greatly speed
up the process of becoming a millionaire. To become a hitman only requires
a lack of stupidity, which might not be you if you are reading this
advice. Many hitmen are paid high prices for their deeds. In fact, some
are even paid five grand per head! But remember, if you actually take
the risk of taking such a risky job, don’t say that I told you
to be!
Step three: A last resort
The easiest way to becoming a millionaire, is
to simply get all of your money exchanged to a foreign currency. The
most advisable currencies are those in the poorest countries of Africa,
where the American penny is priceless. Of course, this does not add
to the value of your dollar, it just makes more of them that are worth
much less, but hey! You’re still a millionaire!
I hope you have enjoyed this incredibly stupid
advice. If you actually have any success in doing any of these three
steps, please contact me at 000-0024. Thank you for taking the time
to read this meaningless essay thing…yeah.
